I was invited to a family members one year cake at a Cocaine Anonymous meetings yesterday. I felt very honoured to be invited to share in the occasion of celebrating her being one year cocaine free. Its a hard struggle to overcome your addictions. Made me think... am i am addict?
You know those days when you wake up an you hit the pot pipe three breaths to being awake? y'all know what i mean. Wake up, take a couple breaths and literally spark the lighter, put it to the pipe and take a hoot or six. I know its only pot, but its the mannerism... if thats the right work or not.. prolly not but i'll remember the proper word later and probably edit or or not.
Anyways, it was nothing to do that for months at a time. Sure it was only marijuana but its the thought process of being an addict.
Doesn't matter if its marijuana or prescription pills or alcohol in my opinion. Not wanting to do without a substance daily in my opinion an addictive personality trait. I need to get back to the topic at hand... sorta started following a squirrel.
I did that for a long time, or as long as i had a bag of weed anyway. Every two hours, not on the dot or anything but pretty much spend a few too many years high on the marijuana. Was i running from something or did i just like altering my perception on life for a time?
I can say i have been substance free for quite some time now. Made a conscience decision to stop the use of drugs... well, lets be real, i still like the alcohol but i don't think i have a problem with it. Although i do crave it during some stressful times, but i abstain and see my way though to the other side until the feeling passes. Sometimes i just say fuck it and have a beer or three or a half litre of wine to unwind from the day.
And of course with the addiction gene alive and well within me, i have to not so much be careful with my own addictive personality, I think i have my shit together... i just hope...na. pray than my daughter doesn't have that gene isn't going to be dominant her life.
